Hardest Thing to Say
by whateverOne
Summary: If you love someone, don't wait till tomorrow to tell him/her. Maybe that next day will never come at all.


Mitchie's POV

It all started when I was 9 years old. While I was playing outside on my farm in California, I met a girl named Alex. She's not an average kind of girl who likes to play dolls or something more feminine. In a way she's different because she was one of the boys who like to tease you and then you chased them and beat them up. After that first meeting in which I beat her up we kept on meeting and beating each other up at the fence. That only lasted for a little while though. We would meet at the fence all the time and we were always together.

I would tell her all my secrets. She was very quiet she would just listen to what I had to say. I found her easy to talk to and I could talk to her about everything. In school we had separate friends but when we got home we would always talk about what happened in school. One day I said to her that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. She just comforted me and said everything would be okay. She gave me words of encouragement and helped me get over him. I was happy and thought of her as a real friend. But I knew that there was something else about her that I liked. I thought of it that night and figured it was just a friend kinda thing that I was feeling.

All through high school and even through graduation we're always together and of course I thought of it as being friends. But I knew deep inside that I really felt differently. On graduation night even though we had different dates to the prom I wanted to be with her. That night after everybody went home I went to her house and wanted to tell her that I wanted to see her. Well, that night was my big chance and all I did was just sit there with her watching the stars and talking about what I was going to do and what she was going to do. I looked into her eyes and listened to her talk about what her dream was. How she wanted to get married and settle down. She said how she wanted to be rich and successful. All I could do was to tell her my dream and cuddle next to her.

I went home hurting because I didn't tell her how I was feeling. I wanted to tell her so bad that I loved her but I was too scared and frightened. I let my feelings go and told myself that someday I would tell her just how I felt. All through college I wanted to tell her but she always had someone with her. After graduation she got a job in New York, I was happy for her but at the same time I was sad to see her go. I was sad also because I didn't tell her how I felt. But I couldn't let her know now that she was leaving for her big job. So I just kept it to myself and watched her go on the plane. I cried as I hugged her for what I felt was going to be the last time. I went home that night and cried my eyes out. I felt hurt that I didn't tell her what I had inside my heart.

Well, I got a job as a secretary and then worked my way to a computer analyst. I was proud of what I had accomplished. One day I got a letter with an invitation to a marriage. It was from her, I was happy and sad at the same time. Now I know that I could never be with her and that we could only be friends. I went to the wedding the next month. It was a big occasion. The big church wedding and the reception at the hotel. I met the groom and of course her. I fell in love one more time. But I held back so it wouldn't spoil what should be the happiest day in her life. I tried to have fun that night but it was killing me inside watching her being so happy and me trying to be happy covering up my sadness tears inside of me.

I left New York feeling that I did the right thing. Before I left on the flight, she came running out of nowhere and said her good-byes and how she was very happy to see me. I came home and just tried to forget about what went on in New York. I had to go on with my life. As the years went on, we wrote to each other on what was going on and how she had missed talking to me. On one occasion she never wrote back to me at all. I was getting worried as to why she hadn't written anything for a long time after I had already written 6 letters to her. Well, just when everything seemed hopeless and sad in my life, I got a note that said: "meet me at the fence where we used to talk about things". I went and saw her there. I was happy to see her, but she was broken-hearted and sad inside. We hugged until we couldn't breathe anymore.

Then she told me about the divorce and why she hadn't written for a long time. She cried until she couldn't cry anymore. Finally, we went back to the house and talked and laughed about what I had been going and to catch up on old times. But in all of this, I couldn't tell her how I felt about her. In the days that followed, she had fun and forgot about all her problem and her divorce. I fell in love again with her. When it came time for her to leave back to New York, I went to see her off and cried. I hated to see her leave. She promised to see me every time she could get a vacation. I couldn't wait for her to come so I could be with her. We would always have fun when we were together.

One day she didn't show up like she said she would. I figured that she might have been busy. The days turned into months and I just forgot about it. Then I got a call one day from a lawyer in New York. The lawyer said that she had died in a car accident going to the airport. And that it took this long till everything was settled. It broke my heart. I was shocked about what took place. Now I knew why she didn't come that day. Again, I was broken-hearted. I cried that night, cried tears of sadness and heartache. Asking questions why did this happen to a sweet girl like her?

I gathered my things and went to New York for the reading of her will. Of course, things were given to her family and her ex-husband. I finally got to meet him since the last time we met at the wedding. He explained to me how she was and how she was always provided. But she was always unhappy. He would always try everything but he couldn't get her happy, as she was that night at their wedding. When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary. It was a diary that of her life. I cried as it was given to me. I didn't know what to think. Why was this given to me? I took it and flew back to California. As I flew on the plane I remembered the good times that we had together. I started reading the diary and what was written.

The diary was started with the day we first met. I read on till I started to cry. The diary told of her saying that she had fallen in love with me that day I was broken-hearted. But she was too afraid to tell me what she had felt. That is why she was so quiet and liked to listen to me. It told of how she wanted to tell me so many times, but was too afraid to say anything. It told of when she went to New York and fell in love with another. How the happiest time she had was seeing me and dancing with me at the wedding. She said she imagined it was our wedding. How she was always unhappy till she had no choice but to divorce her husband. How the best time in her life was to read the letters written to her by me. Finally, the diary ended when it said, "today I will tell her I love her". It was the day she was killed. The day I was going to finally find out what was really in her heart.


End file.
